Toilet Talk

Arlene Blackman Yolles ♦ November 5, 2018 ♦ 8 Comments

All I can say is, I’m glad I don’t have to write to make a living.  You think it’s easy to come up with new subjects all the time? I knew this day would come … my mind is now in the toilet.  We all use them; some of us (women, in particular) more often than others, and I’m sure we all have a story or two.  I recall an entire Seinfeld episode called “Can’t Spare a Square.”  Seinfeld fans might remember it … Elaine is in a stall with no paper, reaches under the partition wall and the woman in the next stall refuses to give her some.   Watch at: Square to Spare?

And now, as is my custom, I have some pet peeves to share with you, my reader.  I was recently in a bathroom where a mother had her son, a boy of about 4 or 5, with her.  He was frantically hysterical when someone turned on the new-type of hand dryer,  you know, the one that sounds like a typhoon is sweeping through the room.  The mother sweetly soothed him, but you could see he was terrified.  I spoke to her a bit and she told me he’s not the only child she knows who gets scared when that mighty machine starts up.  Whatever happened to old-fashioned paper?

Ladies, have you ever been in a stall with one of those giant toilet paper holders that contain 4 rolls … and it’s your turn to position a new one?  Ever break a nail on the rotating mechanism?  Find it impossible to start the new roll?  Start it and then discover that it’s unraveling only ½ the width at a time?

How many of us have walked into a bathroom with a light that works on motion sensor?  I love that!  But … sometimes I get a little “involved” in the stall (reading texts, checking email, looking up stuff on YouTube with my Smart Phone), and all of a sudden, the  light goes off, silently admonishing me for not moving enough!  I sit and pray that someone will walk through the door.

And, finally, what are your thoughts on the automatic flush?  Frankly, I think it wastes more water than it is designed to save.  You all know what happens … you’re done, you wait for it to flush and, when it doesn’t, you flush manually.  Just as you’re out the stall, yup, there it goes again.  OR you’re sitting on the seat minding your own business, perhaps you bend forward to retrieve something from your purse, and the detector detects that you are finished and flushes!  Surprise!  That’s like sitting on a bidet.

So that’s it … I won’t even get into how many times I had to use the Men’s Room lest I miss the second act in a theater.  I’ll save that for another time.