I’ve Got Questions

Arlene Blackman Yolles ♦ July 13, 2014 ♦ Leave a comment

I wrote the following poem when I was 8 years old:

Where do the leaves go when it gets cold?
And how come Grandpa is very old?
Why, when I stand on a ladder so high
I still can’t reach to the sky, though I try?
I’ll put all my questions into a box
And put on the box just 2 little locks.
And when I get older and read them again,
I’ll tell myself the answers: I’ll surely know them then!

Well, now that I’m older, I still don’t know the answers to everything and, in fact, I have some new questions:

Why do women always qualify statements with the word “just?” For example, in a restaurant: “I’ll just have the salad.” In an email, “I just wanted to tell you ….” When doing something requiring a person to wait: “I’ll just be a second.”

Why are many people obsessed with celebrities and their lives? They’re merely people – neither superhuman nor otherwise possessed of extraordinary power. In fact, just the opposite. Many are empty-headed hedonists who make poor life choices and are bad role models. Having children out of wedlock. Getting arrested repeatedly for DUI. Wearing short dresses without underpants. Using a potty-mouth on stage. Performing and dressing in obscene ways.

Why would anyone walk into Bed Bath and Beyond without a 20% off coupon? They never expire (that’s right! – I myself used one the other day that “expired” in Nov. 2012) and they’re ubiquitous. I keep them all in the car and grab a handful when I’m going to shop there.

Why do stores insist on keeping their doors open while the air conditioning is on? When I’ve asked the store manager about this, the inane answer I get is that it invites customers in, or “it’s corporate policy.” I suppose it’s corporate policy to waste money and electricity by air conditioning the sidewalk. Do they presume that the average consumer is (a) too stupid to see that the store is open even if the door might be closed and (b) too weak to turn a handle or push open a door?

More questions … another time.